She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
