never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
