that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
