My boss' voice literally gives me gas
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
