I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
