i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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