Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The air was thick with penises
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
