omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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