so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
