i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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