yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
