at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
