yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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