It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
