i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
