just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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