had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
