I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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