Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I see more hoeing in ur future
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
