You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
