I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
