Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
