Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
