When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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