im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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