ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
