You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
