so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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