I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
