Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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