Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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