Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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