I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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