dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
