I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
