I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
