Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
