good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
