All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he was CRYING into my vagina
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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