I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
