well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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