some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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