I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
