My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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