I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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