I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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