He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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