Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
