yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
did i just pee glitter
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
