My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
