You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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