Bisexual people are plain selfish.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.