I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?