1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Randomize
