Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE