Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing