is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
