Someone shit on the floor
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me