onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
