Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
