There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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