I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize