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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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