every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
