yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
