Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
