It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
