When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
