dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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