WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
