Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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