Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
