All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
