im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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