When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
