i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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