I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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