To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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