I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
