Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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