we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
