I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
