Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
